Longing of Hearts
by SIB
Summary: [Contains spoiler for the end of X-TV Series] Is it the end of the story? For them who are left in this world full of ordeals. (Implied pairings: FuumaKamui, SeishirouSubaru)


**Author Notes:** At last, I have the courage the re-update this fic. To watch X-TV Series again brought me a lot of memories and thus I decided to rewrite this one. I could not help but to still feel somehow discontent with its ending and this is the sequel if it was up to me to decide the storyline. I hope you will enjoy this. Have a happy reading!

**Warning:** Spoiler for the end of X-TV Series. Male/male pairings implied (Fuuma/Kamui, Seishirou/Subaru)

**Disclaimer:** They belong to CLAMP and CLAMP only. No profit is made from this story.

**Longing of Hearts **

**Author: SIB**

Prologue: Finale and Another Start 

Moonlight beamed down through the glass window, half covered by white curtains. The ray softly touched the blanket, sheet, and finally cream coloured skin. Half aware of the dim luminosity which bothered his uneasy sleep, Monou Fuuma let his power to shut the curtains tightly. With the abrupt action, the room grew dark and hollowly silent, perfectly suited his mood at the moment.

He shifted a bit to the right, and the next second, to the left. Yet sleep seemed to avoid him at any rate and he threw the blanket away. Carelessly he walked to the window, tearing the silky cloth with a sudden severity. No, he could not sleep, in spite of the voice within his head which kept yelling, ordering him to get some sleep. Considering the fact that he had yet to have any sleep in the last four days, save from a few five-minutes troubled dozes, the authoritative voice was probably right. But, just told him how to have a peaceful slumber after killing someone you loved best.

His wandering gaze stopped at the shrine's yard. Blends of shades and lights seemed to trick his eyes, picturing figures to his eyes. They seemed so real; he himself, Kotori, beloved sister whom he had killed by his own hand, and...Kamui. A young boy that had haunted him for countless nights and all he could do was to steal away his life.

A rueful smile took place on his lips. Another sleepless night, it seemed to be, now that he had begun recalling the past any sane man should forget. Deciding it would o him no good to stand there all night, Fuuma stepped away from the window to the door. He nearly could not breath when he was passing the house. To his ear, Kotori's laughter was everywhere, filling the used-to-be-lively house. In his eyes, he could see her smiling face, spreading a sense of spring. God, how he loved her so much. How could he stab the shinken through her heart at that moment? How could he be deaf of the cries and screams Kamui made?

He let his feet to pace aimlessly until he found himself standing right on the spot he was staring at a few moments ago. Here, the memory grew stronger. He could hear the laughter –innocent and pure laughter they made when their ages were but young. Childhood seemed always to be the best moment everyone ever had.

Another sad smile crept upon his face. Though unavoidable, recalling those times did not help, let alone ease his pain. The memories had passed beyond his reach and whatever effort he could set off, nothing could bring them back to him. Silently he felt anger breed inside of him. Yes, he blamed himself for the nightmare he had caused; yet he knew it was not actually him who committed the crime. It was the Dragon of Earth, not Monou Fuuma who had killed them all and caused devastation more ruinous than what had been imaginable. What made him more upset was the fact that the damn dragon had not died at all. He could feel him, the dark violent side of him, still existing within himself. He would never be the same old Monou Fuuma again.

So much loss the futile battle had caused. Perhaps he could say it as a stalemate for both sides losing the same amount of dragons and probably grief as well. But humans were still here, occupying the earth and doing the same destruction over and over again. Then maybe it meant the Ten no Ryuu won after all. Did the winning really worth what it had cost? He saw anguish in everyone involved in the end of the world affair. Even he suffered the same pain.

Slowly he sat himself on the damp grass, staring silently at the clear bright night. His mind quietly rolled to the event occurring today. As usual, he spent most of his times sitting with no work at hand, at the burial place where Kamui and Kotori rested eternally. There was nothing different to the previous days until he met the Sumeragi.

--- ---

"You're alive."

"I am," was the only answer given by the Thirteenth Head of Sumeragi Clan. Paying no later heed toward his former enemy, he knelt down before Kamui's grave and clapped his hands together. What he was speaking to the soulless body, Fuuma failed to find out. 

At last he rose and turned to him gravely. The former Chi no Ryu's leader could only stare into the single emerald orb. While the other was devoid of any emotion in its lucid paleness, he had never seen something so intricate before, compared to its pair; not only sadness and mourning it held, he could also see a flicker of hope striving to stay alight in the storm of grief. He was particularly surprised for its existence, since he himself could not sense if there was indeed any hope left for them, now that everything had crashed down in their world.

"You're going to live." At last he found his voice. The Sumeragi looked at him thoughtfully, still with that indescribable emotions mixed together, and unexpectedly smiled a little.

"I think I will."

"Why?"

"Won't you?"

"I... I don't know," Fuuma murmured uncertainly and looked away to his side. There was an uncomfortable stillness engulfing them before he decided to break it once more.

"Why?"

Subaru shoved both of his hands into his trench coat's pockets and returned the gaze in equal solemnity. His lips parted and there came an answer he should have been able to guess before. "For him."

How could a two-word answer felt so simple yet complicated? The younger man observed him and all he got was more astonishment seizing him. It was the eye, luminously lit with immeasurable depth of love. He could call it as miraculous and it would still be amazing, of how this man could still love the one who had tortured him for nine years.

"Why?" unconsciously he asked.

"What why?"

"Why do you have to live for Seishirou? He's dead."

"I didn't say it was Seishirou-san."

Fuuma blinked at the remark he got. Of course it was Seishirou, he knew it for sure, or to be precise the dragon within him told him that. There was no other _him_ in Subaru's world but the assassin. But that answer...

"So it is not Seishirou?" he tried once more tentatively.

"I did not say that either."

"So... who is _he_ we are talking about?"

A mischievous glint crossed Subaru's eyes as a pleased smile reached his lips. "You are right. It is Seishirou-san."

The taller guy blinked again, utterly confused by the remark. He had no idea where the Sumeragi had gained his weird sense of humor from. Before all of the tragedy happened, he hardly had a piece of it and now when the other were drowning in anguish and despair... If it was Subaru's way of mourning, he indeed had an odd preference in several matters.

"Then...why?"

The Head of Sumeragi Clan sighed. "What _why_ again?"

"Fine," Fuuma felt his patience was drifting to the edge, partly because of his own inquisitive mind. "Why do you have to live for Seishirou? Why will you live for _him_ anyway? And why do you think he wants you to live?"

Subaru gazed down to the trampled grass beneath his feet. His unharmed eye once again displayed sorrow. "I don't know. I just think that... perhaps he wants me to live. Maybe."

His companion raised his eyebrows inquiringly at the hesitant answer. "Maybe?"

The other guy shrugged indifferently. "Maybe. I don't know what his wish for me was and now," a fleeting look of pain crossed his fair countenance, "I won't have any more chance to find out what it is."

Fuuma stared at him, unable to put into words what he felt at the moment. His own grief was immense obviously, but the onmyouji's was far greater. What kind of life he had all along the nine years prior to their battle? Strengthening himself with one purpose: to be acknowledged by his sister's murderer who miserably was the one he loved, and then to die on his hand. How could someone strive to live with a kind of awfully ridiculous reason? Yet he did. And on the contrary of his wish, he killed his love by his own hand.

_/You are so fortunate, Seishirou, to have him./_ he heard his own voice chimed inside his head. It was a kind of love anybody would want. Eventually he decided to say it. "He wants you to live."

The Sumeragi's eyes widened in shock as he heard the statement. "Seishirou-san...?"

"He wishes you to live your life joyously, not to be bothered by the past. He always cares for you."

Subaru was loss at words for a moment as he tried to register the chain of words. His gaze pierced the taller guy with a great deal of hopes and expectations. "Was it really his wish?"

"It _is_."

"_Is_? How do you...?"

"I can still feel his wish even now," Fuuma said. His own heart was somehow warmed by the look of hopefulness covering the onmyouji's face. "t's too strong to be ignored."

All of a sudden, everything seemed so clear for Subaru. Unrestrained tears began to dwell in his eyes, even though he refused to let them fall. A smile was formed on his lips, perhaps the truest smile he ever had for nearly ten arduous years of his life. Fuuma noted it with a slightly ironic feeling. A new insight of his Seishirou-san was adequate to make him cry, despite the fact that the person was already deceased himself.

"Thank you," he heard a whisper of gratitude in the contenting silence.

"No need. Anyway, if I don't tell you, he'll drive me mad by shouting his wish endlessly."

Subaru beamed again, this time wider as the other guy noticed quietly how beautiful the onmyouji was when a gentle smile brightened his visage. "It does sound like Seishirou-san."

He returned the smile, but it slowly faded into a rueful one while his gaze was still pinned on the older man intensely. Subaru saw it and asked cautiously, "Is there something?"

"No," Fuuma sighed in despair and diverted his stare wistfully to the curtains of green leaves, "It's just... you awfully resemble him. If only your eyes were violet..."

The other man bit his lips, powerless to reply such a declaration. He had his own guess about Fuuma's feeling of the Ten no Ryuu's leader; yet until it was too late he had decided to stay silent. But did Fuuma realize what Kamui actually felt?

Suddenly the taller guy laughed in a self-mocking way. "No matter. You are not he anyway. He's dead and you're alive."

The Sumeragi felt an urge to soothe the younger man before he could immerse himself deeper in self-blaming. The onmyouji stepped closer and raised his right hand, touching Fuuma's chin, diverting the other's gaze into the deep emerald pool. "See then. Look at me carefully if you can find him here."

The other guy stood rooted to the ground, helpless under Subaru's spell. He nearly lost himself under the affecting touch, the captivating eye. "Kamui..." A desperate whisper escaped from his lips, setting off the longing he bore only too long.

He shook his head, releasing himself from Subaru's slender fingers. "But you are not him, no matter how much you look like him. You are still not him."

"Then let him go," the onmyouji's stern voice struck himself in an instant. He tilted his head, staring unbelievingly at the twin of his Gemini. "You know it, still your heart refuses to accept the fact."

Fuuma eyed the older man with something indecipherable. "So he is dead and game over. Is that how you continue on living?"

Subaru didn't move his gaze from him but his eye went vacant in its jaded gleam. His voice became cold and it disturbed Fuuma a lot. "I suppose we are not talking about me now, aren't we?"  
  
The Chi no Ryuu looked down in remorse. "Sorry for that. Not my intention to get into your affair."  
  
Subaru sighed in despair. It was no fun at all having an arrogant leader of the Chi no Ryuu to talk but he found himself in a far thougher predicament with this new Fuuma. Self-blaming and taking a low value himself, he was now. With a firm tone, he said, "Look, I only want you to continue on living. I'm sure Kamui also wants it. Is it too much to ask?"  
  
Fuuma gave a sidelong look to the Head of Sumeragi Clan, much softer this time. "Thank you, but I don't think that is the one he wanted."  
  
"He was your dearest friend, wasn't he? He loved you so much you know."  
  
A recognizable sad smile appeared on Fuuma's face. "I know that. And because I know that...I know what he wanted for the most. To be with her, my sister, and live happily ever after in heaven..." He halted and lowered his gaze, no courage to look at a very similar face.  
  
That time Subaru certainly knew what the going on problem was. Such a relationship, very much alike to the one he had with his sister's assassin. He remained silent for a moment, letting the younger guy to decipher his own feelings. Yet, after a second look into Fuuma's eyes, he ultimately decided to save him from going any more miserable.   
  
"I have never hoped for my love to be reciprocal. I merely tried to convince myself that he didn't wish for my death, that he at least cared about me although not in the way I wanted him to. Just believe it then you'll find hope."  
  
There was another silence between them that surprisingly broke by Fuuma's chuckle. It eventually developed into laughter to see the puzzled expression on Subaru's face. "Anything funny?"  
  
"Nothing." Fuuma's smile was broad and unexpectedly genuine, though the eyes had not completely gone lively again. "Just look at us now. I hardly can imagine we would be able to do this soothing-each-other thing, say a week ago." Then he burst into another stream of laughter, this time accompanied by Subaru's smile as well.  
  
"Right. We're deadly enemies back then, and wanted to kill each other although..." he hesitated before continuing, "I knew I would never be able to kill you."  
  
It eliminated the younger one immediately. He took another stare to the Sumeragi with bountiful amounts of surprise. "What did you say?"  
  
"I couldn't kill you."  
  
"I heard that. And...why?"  
  
Subaru fished out a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one of them. He inhaled it slowly then looked at the nervous teenager in front of him. "Kamui would hate me if I did kill you."  
  
A hope began to enflame inside of him, not the usual one when he had hoped for Kamui to love him more than as a friend. He was sure this was the same hope Subaru had before they met. But would it be enough for him to stay alive?  
  
"You know," Subaru's voice suddenly caught his attention, "you are so much alike Seishirou-san too."  
  
"I think I've heard that before," he smiled faintly.  
  
"In a very different situation it was," the onmyouji continued. He looked deeply into the uncertain boy's eyes. "If I really resemble Kamui that much, then deem this is he speaking. _Live for me, Fuuma_."  
  
To stare blankly in shock and undeniable wish was the only thing Fuuma could do. Kamui did want him to live? He looked down at the winding green grass, contemplating if it was true. It seemed impossible since the one who could truly assure him had gone beyond his reach, but was there any chance what Subaru said was true? When eventually he returned his gaze back to Subaru, to ask for more reassurance, the onmyouji was nowhere in sight.  
  
--- ---  
  
Until now he didn't know whether had to thank or curse Subaru for awakening his hope because it made him live for the moment, a life full of pain and regrets. No steady choice he had taken because for whose sake anyway if he insisted in going on living.

Countless stars sparkling faintly greeted him as he shifted his gaze to the sky and leant back to the hard tree trunk behind him. _Fool's hope_; it was the name he would offer to the expectation he was counting on now. 

His mind was still in its normal speed but his body told him otherwise. Slowly he floated into the serene realm of unconsciousness.  
  
--- ---  
  
Fuuma was not fully surprised but still groaned in despair when he realized where he was. Even in dream he would ultimately come to this place where they were sleeping for eternity.   
  
He decided to sit in front of the Ten no Ryuu's grave. The Imonoyama had placed a simple but delicate stone carving for a mark of its existence. Fuuma felt a lot of comfort to just stare at the piece of art. It was suitable for Kamui; there was a dragon carved along the side, embellished it with mythical impression.  
  
Fuuma brought his gaze to the bright blue sky, some spots were hindered by thick leaves and infrequent branches. Still the sunlight could beam down on his face, warming it no matter how cold and frozen his heart was. He could hear softly birds were chanting and cool breeze caressed his hair, ruffling them a bit. Since the first time he stepped under this tree, not even in one occasion the weather had been unfriendly. Always this soothing.   
  
He crossed his legs and propped his chin up on the knees. Maybe he would be unable to run from this place forever. Perhaps even death could not prevent him from it, another destiny he had.  
  
"Those words...I will regret them someday, but if it's your hope, Kamui..."  
  


To Be Continued

**Ramblings:** That's it! So what do you think? It maybe different from my style of writing now, but I still enjoy writing it. I hope I won't neglect it like what happened before. Thanks for reading and please review!


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